quotes and stuff:



from resumes:
"accomplishments: completed 11 years of high school."

"below are the top 10 reasons to hire me."

"enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."

"excellent memory; strong math aptitude; excellent memory; effective management skills; and very good at math."

"exposure to german for two years, but many words are inappropriate for business."

"frequent lecturer: largest audience: 1,351. standing ovations: 5. number of audience questions: 30." ----- what the fuck? do you have a statistician taking numbers down for you?

"graduated in the top 66% of my class."

"i am quick at typing, about 25 words per minute."

"i am sicking and entry-level position."

"i am the bestest person alive for this job, and you you can't see that, it's your loss."

"i have a bachelorette degree in computers."

"i'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a european sedan."

"i perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and expertise." --------- " i am a total bullshitter who got stuck in letter 'e' of the dictionary"

"i worked as a corporate lesion." -------- hahaha, a corporate lesion, that's great

"married, eight children. prefer frequent travel."

"my contributions on product launches were based on dreams that i had."

"my intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable." --------- hahaha, must've been george w bush on his application to be president

"my salary requirement is $34 per year."

"special skills: I've got a ph.d. in human feelings."

"special skills: thyping."

"special Skills: speak english."

"typing Speed: 756 wpm."




and now, some g-dub quotes:




"you don't need to be smart to be president" ------------republican congressman j.c. watts - said at a february campaign appearance on bush's behalf

"i think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating."

"rarely is the question asked: is our children learning"------------- hmmm, if ralph wiggim were real, george w would be a cousin

"it's clearly a budget. it's got a lot of numbers in it."

"i think we agree, the past is over."

"laura and i really don't realize how bright our children is sometime until we get an objective analysis."

"i was raised in the west. The west of texas. it's pretty close to california. in more ways than washington, d.c., is close to california."

"i understand small business growth. i was one."

"i think we need not only to eliminate the tollbooth to the middle class, i think we should knock down the tollbooth." ---------- yea, you tell 'em george

"keep good relations with the grecians." ----------- yea...

"i did denounce it. i de-i denounced it. i denounced interracial dating. i denounced anti-catholic bigacy... bigotry."

"i would have said yes to abortion if only it was right. i mean, yeah it's right. well no it's not right that's why i said no to it."

"there ought to be limits to freedom"

"down in washington they're playing with social security like it's some kind of government program!"

"the reason we start a war is to fight a war, win a war, thereby causing no more war!"

"it's your money. you paid for it."

"it's going to require numerous ira agents."

"i know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully"

"will the highways on the internet become more few?"

"they misunderestimated me." --------"me fail english? that's un-possible"

"you teach a child to read and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -------- ironically, this was said at an elementary school where he touted his education reform plans

"families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."

"i think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. i can't answer your question"

and lastly:

"there's a huge trust. i see it all the time when people come up to me and say, 'i don't want you to let me down again.'"

so, i put up an away message on aim (freudianphoenix) which read: "if there were a quota on smart people, we'd be ridiculously below it today" or something to that effect, i'm sure i remember how it exactly ended. and i get an im from an unknow party, here's what was said: a tacit war: Study: Uneducated Outbreeding Intelligentsia 2-To-1 CHICAGO—In a report with dire implications for the intellectual future of America, a University of Chicago study revealed Monday that the nation's uneducated are breeding twice as soon and twice as often as those with university diplomas. "The average member of the American underclass spawns at age 15, compared to age 30 for the average college-educated professional," study leader Kenneth Stalls said. "America's intellectual elite, as a result, is badly losing the genetic marathon, with two generations of dullards born for every one generation of cultured literates." Added Stalls: "At this rate, by the year 2100 there will be five smart people on Earth, swallowed whole by more than 12 billion mouth-breathers incapable of understanding the binary exponentiation that swamped the Earth with their like." High-school dropout Mandi Drucker, 16, said of the findings, "All I know is, we're in love." HAAA a la theonion.com. thanks a tacit war whoever you are.

today's thought:
time is way over-rated

this week's lame ass movie review (no, no, i'm not calling my review lame ass, i'm referring to the movie being lame ass)
kangaroo jack
so, what the fuck? how in the hell could this possibly ever be a movie. maybe a cartoon, you know, one of those that comes on so early in the morning that no one sees it anyway. but a movie? damn, what have we come to? answer- kangaroo jack. basically, as all great movie plots go- two dumbasses have to deliver mob money to australia (?) they happen to hit a kangaroo and think it'd be funny to take a picture with the supposed dead kangaroo and dress it up, of course, with the jacket with the money in it (see, dumbasses, but then it wouldn't make for a very good 'lame movie' if they weren't dumbasses) and naturally the kangaroo isn't dead and hops away, so that sets the movie with the dumbasses chasing the kangaroo through the outback. hence, it's my lame movie review of the week. and to think people wasted money on making this, and even worse, people wasted money on seeing this. ok, this movie's faults start with jerry o'connell (joe's apartment, mission to mars) and anthony anderson (urban legends, romeo must die, me myself and irene) as people who'd be associated with the mob. two, the director, david mcnally, has done only one movie before kangaroo jack, subsequently with an animal inserted in the title- coyote ugly, never saw, no desire to, but it still doesn't seem that impressing. somehow though, they got christopher walken. but, the country bears also got him, so, i don't know. kangaroo jack- kangaroo jack shit.